The Difficult Walk Down Memory Lane

I’m not even going to sugar coat it.  Today was kind of rough. A “flood of contrasting emotions” rough. For those readers that don’t know, my divorce was finalized about a month ago. Over the past month, we’ve been finding our “new normals”. I’m adjusting to it just being my 3 girls and I in the house. I’m adjusting to the co-parenting thing – the drop-offs, the pick-ups. But today, I confronted what I had been avoiding.

Memories.

Memories specifically in the form of pictures.

Before the final judgment, my ex-husband hurriedly moved some of his things out of the house that is now just mine. I say some, because he took what was most important to him. The memories he wanted to keep.

See, that’s one of the stinky parts of divorce, sometimes one person gets to leave and take with them what they really want and the other person gets stuck with all things unwanted. Clothes, shoes, colognes, books, movies, and pictures.

These pictures. I have to be honest, when I saw them – again, I wanted to turn them back over. I guess it’s to be expected right? I mean, even though you’ve prepared yourself for these moments, doesn’t mean they’ll go according to plan. Posed family photos and the darn engagement and wedding ones – memories of when times were great…ugh. I wanted to rip the photos out the frames and throw them away. “I have a shredder available, maybe I should use that?” talking to myself. Shoot, I didn’t even want to keep the frames they were in! Those frames were now tainted because of the pictures that were in them. Throw it ALL away! I found myself getting angry… then sad…and crying…then I surprised myself by feeling happy. Clearly I have some mindset work to do.

In the end, the pictures came out the frame and all of those pre-divorce memories went into a box. Not so I can open the box up every month or so and cry over what was, but so my children could still have those memories. How fair would it be to them to throw things away, effectively erasing pieces of their lives? Why not let them remember the joyful times?

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, I obviously still need time. Time to heal. Time to process my emotions. And I can’t put a rush on it. I have to give myself some grace. That’s tough. I’m also learning that memories don’t have to follow you into the future. They can stay a good memory and right there in the past. Right there in that box.