This blog entry here, is for the mamas. The Single Mamas.
Now, I don’t mean to cause division because motherhood is already difficult enough, but being someone who has been on both sides – married motherhood and single motherhood – whooo, being a Single Mama is a WHOLE different beast.
You may say, “But Monicha, what about us married mamas that feel like single moms?” Girrrrl, that’s a whole different post, but you might want to start by speaking to your spouse about those feelings….
So however you arrived at Single Motherhood, divorce or otherwise, you know that it is HARD. This year is my first Mother’s Day as a single mom (my divorce was finalized last year) and it really just hit home, so I’m a bit in my feelings. Sorry, but not sorry.
Take these two scenarios:
1. For Mother’s Day you get homemade gifts, purchased gifts, some flowers, maybe breakfast in bed, extra hugs and kisses which is ALL lovely. Then you may get some alone time to take a nap (cause let’s face it, that’s like top 3 on our list of what we REALLY want for Mother’s Day), get sent somewhere for pampering while the hubby takes care of the children….
2. For Mother’s Day we get homemade gifts and extra hugs and kisses. No breakfast in bed (unless you want to get back in there after cooking), because you have to help the kids make it, no nap, no alone time (what is that anyways?), unless you set something up with a sitter, which then will make you feel guilty because it’s MOTHER’S DAY…
If you had a choice, which scenario would you pick, #1 or #2? Now y’all know I love my kids infinity times infinity, and gifts and extra love are amazing on their own, but #2 is my reality right now. And I think I’m having a hard time accepting it. When I’m in my feelings, one of the first things I do is gauge if I’m being extra. So I ask people I trust or people that have gone or are going through the same situation as me. This time I asked some ladies to chime in on this subject and found that I’m totally normal! It feels good to belong. (heehee)
Here are a few highlighted responses to some questions I posed, and I’d love to hear your answers too in the comments.
What would you say is the most difficult thing about being a divorced, single mom?
Sara*, mother of two, told me that getting comfortable with the new role is the toughest thing. I 100% agree with her, and that’s really where I’m struggling right now. Motherhood now has a different facet to it and that adjustment takes some time to get used to.
How does it feel celebrating Mother’s Day as a single mom? Any difference from when you were married?
Sara said, “Feels fine. You get surprised from others, lots of digital greetings and I can treat myself to anything I want.” While Joy*, said, “Yes it’s different, especially when you do not have any other family to celebrate with.” I found these responses interesting and I’ve been trying to find some reasoning to explain the variety. Could it be that the amount of time you’ve been a single mom effect the response? Or maybe the support system that surrounds you?
And since I like leaving things on a positive note…
What is your favorite part about motherhood?
It’s all about the kids. Mary* was so thankful that she’s able to watch them grow up, learn, make mistakes and evolve into productive people. And isn’t that ultimately our main goal as mothers? We are just out here doing our best to try and help our children do better and be better humans.
Have you ever heard the saying “it takes a village”? Well, it takes on a whole new meaning when you’re a single mom. Here’s where you come in, I want you to be a part of the village. I’m starting something new – The Single Mama Sisterhood – it will start out as a periodic e-mail-based, free resource with actionable tips, tricks, and other valuable information geared toward single motherhood. To join the Sisterhood, you can click here.
Happy Mother’s Day Mamas! Y’all are amazing!!!
*not actual names